01 Aug Grief: is there a right way to do it?

When faced with the loss of a loved one especially for the first time people can often wonder how they are supposed to behave. Should they be crying? How are they supposed to say goodbye? How long should you stay sad for? These are all questions that clients pose from time to time. Unfortunately there is no definitive answer to any of these questions and there is no right way to grieve.

Grieving may involve a whole host of different thoughts and feelings. There may be sadness, anger, guilt, despair, shock and loneliness. But equally there may be joy, laughter and delight as you celebrate the deceased person’s life.

The Grief process

There have been many theories presented over the years in regards to grief. Previously it was thought there were stages that people had to go through in order to grieve and move on with their life. But more modern theories speak of the idea of continuing bonds.

There is a children’s book titled The Invisible String by Patrice Karst which expresses the concept of maintaining our connection even when someone has died. We still have a relationship with people once they die. Thus the task of grieving is really about adjusting to the change in the relationship and recognising that our emotional bonds with our loved ones stretch beyond the living. This idea of ‘continuing bonds’ makes it feel more normal for us to have the odd ‘conversation’ with our loved one after their death and to weave their memory through our days.

Tips for managing grief

• Get Support
  • Being real about how you feel – try not to pretend you are okay or hide your true feelings.
  • Finding a way of expressing how you feel – talking to someone or writing in a journal.
  • Accepting that grieving is nothing to be ashamed of – it’s all a necessary part of adapting to the changes in your life and learning how to manage what’s happened
• Take care of yourself
  • eating healthily, exercising, and sleeping are all important. Give yourself time out from the pain –do things you enjoy, even if you don’t really feel like doing them.
  • Try getting back into your normal routine.
  • Avoid alcohol and drugs, as they numb feelings and make it harder to heal.

When is grief a problem?

You may find yourself overwhelmed with the pain, or even avoiding the pain of grieving. If this starts to get in the way of how you live, affects work, relationships, or day-to-day life then you need to get support or professional help. Long-term or overwhelming grief can put your physical, mental and emotional health at risk. If you think this is happening to you, it is recommended that you seek help.

Sometimes it can be helpful to speak with someone independent about your thoughts and feelings to help put things in perspective or offer ideas about how you can move forward with your life. That’s where a psychologist can help.

So, if you’re struggling with grief our friendly team at Prosper Health Collective are here to help.